I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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