your parents love me but you hate me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
