I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
