Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
