He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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