enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
