can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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