I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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