Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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