Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize