Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
