Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
