this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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