Don't make out with my wife yet
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm passing your future prison.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
