I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
