At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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