Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
