i permit you to call me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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