OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
