Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
