So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
