Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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