the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
