I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
