I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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