they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
