the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
