GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it was like eating out sand paper
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
