Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
