had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
