She's JV to your varsity
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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