her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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