life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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