What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
