Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think people are normalizing furries
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
