i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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