Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
