My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
