Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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