if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
