just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
