This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
