You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
