Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
