I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
