I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Its about making memories worth repressing
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
