OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
