You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
