Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
