Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
