I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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