Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
