it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
