he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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