So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
