Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
