4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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