Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
