He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
