We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
