HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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