my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
