I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
