"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
