if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
