So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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