That reminds me...we need to get swords
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
