I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think your dad took our porno
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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