My boss' voice literally gives me gas
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
