i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize