I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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