the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize