You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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