i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
