Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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