You really coming over, don't trick.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
