Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
