just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
